24 March 2018

Evil and Forgiveness

All of us are carrying around some degree of pain and anger towards others, and self, that we are using as weapons. And just like me, you never meant those weapons for harm, but for protection. Jesus knows your heart and knows who He created you to be. So today, it is time to lay them down at His feet, cast every one of your burdens down before Him, and let the Truth set you free. There you will see what it looks like from a heavenly perception. A place where love, grace and mercy rule, and shame is put to the grave, forever.

Forgiveness has been something that I have struggled with all of my life. From the time I was born, I was being physically and sexually abused by my family and at the Mormon Church. I grew up feeling worthless and abandoned; constantly lied to and betrayed. I was beaten down for having gifts from God to see and talk to Him, and was taught that I was generally stupid and altogether evil. All these things shaped the core of who I was. Instead of growing into a tender young girl who loved the Lord, and wanted to help and serve others, I became devoid of love, focusing instead on hate.


Hate is a power that has driven me for most of my life. Hate, so I was told, was going to protect me, like a weapon or a coat of armor. It was going to drive away all of the evil, because self hatred would keep me in constant self flagellation. I could drive the evil out of my self, and keep the evil of others away, if I would just use the powers of hate.

I was only a little girl as these penetrating lessons were taught to me. As hard as I tried to cling on to what I knew of Jesus, it was ripped away from me, step by step, until I could no longer bear to even hear His name. Jesus name became a swear word to me, because His name now represented hate, anger, and pain to me. Jesus not only abandoned me, but took part in my abuse, as men would dress in His likeness and tell me they were Him.

As I grew, my life constantly reinforced these beliefs of hate. The rejection and abandonment I felt in my own home was enough to leave me feeling utterly hopeless. I turned to attempts of suicide and later, drugs and alcohol, to try to numb the pain that swelled within me. Nothing could truly take away that pain, but at least I could continue to face another day with a crutch to help me hobble through.

It was not only my family and church that reinforced the message that people will hurt and betray you. It was also relationships outside of the home, with friends and boyfriends. Each friendship I had, I ended up being hurt and betrayed. Each boyfriend I gave my heart too, used and abused me. Again and again my heart received the message loud and clear: People are evil and are always going to hurt you. No matter what you do, you must protect and defend yourself.

My drive to hate just continued to grow throughout my life. With no outlet for healing, the pain would just get shoved further down and bottled up. As I entered early adulthood I began having problems with anger and rage. Physical abuse in my romantic relationships caused me to in turn become violent. I had to defend myself from the pain and attacks, and so physical fights became normal with men.

It wasn’t until I came to a place in my life where I was able to finally meet God again. To remember that He is real and not a God of pain and torment. That led to me being able to take a closer look at Jesus. This Jesus that I had to reject in order to protect myself. As I read the Gospel message of His love, something I had been previously deprived of, I realized, this is the love I had been missing out on my entire life. This is the man I needed but could never find all these years.

I was never meant to carry such a heavy burden on my own. I was never meant to spend a life grieving what should have been. I was meant for freedom and for love. Things that had been stolen away from me in my innocence. All the hate and vengeance and anger I had been using as a weapon did not make me evil. In my heart I only wanted to protect myself from more torment. Jesus had already forgiven me, and so to forgive all the people who had hurt me was only going to set me free.

I no longer had to carry around the weapons of hate. Weapons I had fashioned out of fear and pain, but nonetheless weapons. What I hadn’t realized is that the weapons I was carrying were all actually aimed at me, and being used by the devil to hurt me even more. Once I began to hand over all of my weapons of hate, pain, shame, anger, rage, etc to Jesus, I saw the truth about who God made me to be. I am a light in this world, and a light on a hill cannot be hidden. I was no longer in need of hiding, because Jesus was setting me free.



6 March 2018

Spirit Energies

MEDITATING WITH CHRYSTALS
The new moon was at 8.45pm the next night. So that is what I did. At 7pm I lit the candle and opened my bag of crystals that I was given at the Chrystal healing shop. Then for 15 minutes I meditated by breathing, relaxing and freeing my mind of thoughts. I remembered to wrap myself in white/golden light.

Getting a bit bored I looked at the clock. Then I noticed the cat with big eyes watching movement in the kitchen. Something was moving up down and all around and across the floor. I got spooked and blew out the candle and packed away the crystals. Then I turned off the light and went to bed.

I read a book til I felt tired then went to sleep. That's when everything started to happen. I could hear movement under my ear, I thought it was something in my mattress. I could hear little noises around my bedside table. But the ear sound got worse. Every time I fell asleep I would be woken by the sounds of a million little mice feet running INTO the ear on the pillow. The sounds got louder as they got closer. It was worst in my left ear. Every time I lifted my head off the pillow the noise would stop. I stripped my pillow to make sure nothing was alive in it.

After settling down again scratching noises started up in the corner of my room. It didn't stop when I investigated. I was standing there wondering where the noise could be coming from. The scratching continued, I was positive that I had mice in my room, maybe even a rat, because the scratching sound was too big to be a mouse. I lifted the little pillows off the floor so that mice couldn't hide in their covers. I pulled open the cupboard drawers looking for signs of mice. I went back to bed with a thumping heart feeling very spooked. This time I said the Lords Prayer to myself and asked for the mouse/rat to stop scratching. It did. But I didn't sleep well until the cat eventually hopped on the bed to sleep with me. 

Tomorrow I was going to fix those mice.

NEXT DAY
By 8am the next morning I had been to two hardware stores and was the proud owner of one rat cage and two humane mouse traps. Everything was set up in my room. I had lifted shoes and bedding off the floor so the mice had no hiding places.

I spent the day feeling unsettled knowing that bed time kept getting closer. I had heard that the noises were nothing to worry about because it was only my intuition opening up. Google said the ear sounds were similar to rustling cellophane, which was a very good description.

That night nothing happened. All traps remained set. No sound of mice or rats. I was again very happy when the car hopped on the bed to sleep with me. I wondered if I should get another cat. A sleepy cat. One that liked to sleep on my bed all night long, every night.

I began to feel a bit better about going to bed each night. But I also began to realise that I did not have mice or rats in my house. So if it wasn't anything alive in my house what did I have? Was it a spirit? No, that was too much. If spirits were real that meant the spirit world was real. And that meant invisible monsters could be real...

CONCLUSION
The following night I woke at 2.45am hearing a radio. A muffled sound that wavered which made me think it was a person walking past on the street. I could still hear it when I went to the bathroom and finally decided that my neighbour must have visitors in their backyard. I went back to bed and blocked my ear so the noise wouldn't disturb me. The radio music stopped.

I had been hearing it in my left ear.

I couldn't go back to sleep so got up and had a cup of tea and watched TV for an hour. I Googled 'hearing music clairaudience'. Then I went back to bed leaving all the lights on and the bedroom door open. I had a wonderfully happy dream and a very solid sleep. When I woke at 8am I felt like I had a hangover, one that stayed all day.

I was secretly pleased that I had 'the ability', or part of it anyway.

Tell us your experience with spirit energies.

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